outstandingbalance | IC Contact Post

You're welcome.

Take care of yourself.

Real estate. Extortion. Drug trafficking. Murder. That sort of thing.

[ Matt tightens his grip on his glass thinking back on it. Men like Wilson Fisk ruined so many lives... If there was anyone Matt would have wanted to kill before Ryslig, it was him.

But he didn't. He'd stopped himself. Would he do the same now? ]

He was a crime lord, a vicious one. If you crossed him, he wouldn't just kill you; he'd kill your family and friends and made sure you knew it. Send you pictures and recordings of their death before he came to collect. He used to control Hell's Kitchen for a while. And he told himself what he did was for "the greater good."

Yeah, I can see why the two of you didn't get along. You know, I'd say it would take a little more thank killing to turn you into someone like that.

[From her tone, it's clear she's not trying to be persuasive. It's not her goal here to make Matt pro-killing. If she's trying to change his mind, it's still only insofar as trying to get him to let go of at least some of his guilt.

She'd rather not see him spend his entire time here beating himself up because at the end of the day, not killing again is going to bee too much to ask.]

You're a lawyer on top of being a catholic, right? Motive counts for something.

hey natsha where are you/

i was gonna surprise you with a christmas present but i dont know where you live and we didnt bump into each other like id hoped

I know that. I know... He's an extreme. But I've gone to extremes myself. I'd gotten close, and it always-- kept me grounded, you know. I'd tell myself I wasn't a killer, but now...

[ He's not about to start running a crime ring. ~~Not in this universe, anyway~~ but. ]

No one should be above the law. What I did already went against that. What happens here goes against that. [ He sighs, releasing the glass before he starts to crack it. He could feel the tension in his fingers. ] Being a lawyer almost makes it harder. I can't not help people, but I know exactly how and why what I'm doing is wrong.

[ You can see how Matt is a literal embodiment of guilt. ]

[Natasha doesn't have an immediate answer for that. His experience and his frame of reference are too different from her own, and she doesn't want to make an argument here.

It's not like she thinks she'd be in the right. Not morally, anyway. She comes from a world where there always are and always have been people above the law—people who acted in the names of governments or ideals, people who got their hands dirty so that other people could believe they lived in a simpler world than they really did.

But she wants to be honest with him, in her way. After a few beats, she finally responds.]

I respect your clarity.

[That's a particularly fine hair to split, isn't it?]

It doesn't sound like a very easy road you picked. I'm not sure I could do what I do if I thought that way—or what you do.

[Absolutely not what she does. What she does leaves a lot of bodies.]

Beating yourself up like this, though—there's not always a right answer, Matt. All the guilt in the world never brought back the dead. It just makes it harder to sleep at night.

Guilt isn't always a bad thing.

[ What a good Catholic you are, Matt. ]

This thing with Connor. I know it was the right thing to do. I know it prevented more people from getting hurt, I just... don't know where to draw the line anymore. If I can kill a friend to save people-- if eating one human stops a monster from rampaging and killing several more... I've felt these things myself. I know it's true, but when does it stop?

[ That's what the fear comes down to for Matt. That's what's eating him from the inside, bringing him back to that night, killing his friend.

He'd just done it and he doesn't regret it and that scares him more than anything else. His voice wavers, breaths short. ]

I'm changing. More than the horns or the tail or the hooves, I'm worried about... when people stop feeling like people. When murder becomes okay. That's not who I am, but I can see it coming. I'll get so used to it, I'll just not--not care anymore.

Somehow, I don't see that in your future.

[She says it softly, with real sympathy. She's not always comfortable with sympathy.]

Not any time soon, at least. And we're not going to be here forever.

[Reaching across the table then, she lays her fingers lightly on the back of his wrist. The claws don't touch his skin.]

A lot of people were like that before they came here. Being inhumane because it's expedient isn't unique to Ryslig. Maybe it's harder to avoid here, but it's not new.

In the office. I could meet you somewhere, if you want?

Or you can always come here.

[ Matt smiles sadly, hearing enough honesty in her voice to know it's somewhat of a rare gesture. He'll never stop worrying, but it's nice of her to say so. ]

Thanks.

[ He hates this place; he's hating it even more every day. However people leave or get home, he hopes it happens to him before pragmatism wears down his resolve. He's got a lot of it, but this place has already made him break his biggest rule. It might not take as long as Nat thinks. ]

Just means I have to try harder. Even if... well, some people don't understand.

[ It's a thankless job, that's for sure. I mean it's not even a job at all and Matt still suffers for it. He turns his palm over, offering her his hand. Her touch is soothing. Matt's a tactile guy. ]

I guess it comes down to how long we can keep being human. Even when we're not.

[ Matt doesn't ever want to stop. Then again, he's pretty used to faking things for most of his life. ]

Edited 2015-12-31 00:59 (UTC)

Well then, welcome to being one of the mundane pain-feeling folk.

[He adjusts a stray piece of hair, careful to keep from scratching her with his claws. It's a small gesture, performed before he thinks about barriers and personal space.]

[Her hand slips over his, still very careful to keep her claws from touching his skin. It's probably selfish, but there's something comforting about the fact he can't see them, or the fangs, or the spider legs when they come in. She can at least pretend he's not aware of them, though she knows he's more perceptive than she's pretending.]

Yeah, something like that. It's not exactly easy, but you don't seem like an easy kind of guy.

[She doesn't protest his touch; it's more comfortable for her than having him fuss over her condition. It's still strange how familiar he is with her, but at least he doesn't feel like a stranger anymore.]

I'd expect a little more sympathy for people who're used to being self-sufficient.

[ Hey, he can probably handle claws, it's cool. He has that effect on most women. Much as he can perceive and sense her changes, he'd never comment or assume what they look like without thoroughly 'examining' them first.

This shit writes itself, man. Natasha totally handed him this one, and he's taking it. ]

Not for this, anyway.

[ Hey, at least flirting gets him to smile. ]

You know, I'm pretty sure that's a sin too. At least if you do it right.

[Teasing now. She likes teasing. Distraction seems to her like a better idea than dwelling ceaselessly. While she doesn't think that's the end of the topic, she's more than happy to take a lighter direction.]

Those aren't as bad.

[ Matt laughs, shrugging but certainly not moving his hand from hers. Busted. ]

You know, a scale of 1 to murder, it's pretty far down.

[ You know what else could be pretty far down? /rimshot ]

Oh, just going to softball it in like that. I might take it for encouragement.

[She might push it, but she she has to agree that one sin's a whole lot more victimless than the other.]

How far down were you thinking of?

no i think i know where your office is
ill get there before sunrise no problem dont worry

[It's like starting over, but in a way where he's sure she'll come around again. Even if he can't make her remember, it's a second chance. There aren't always second chances for people like them.]

If I threw sympathy at you, you'd think I was being fake. You deserve better than that.

Maybe. That doesn't mean I like being treated like I'm broken.

[Even though the consensus seems to be that she is. And that she's been walking anyway, despite the fact it damages her legs more.]

So where are we going. Dinner and a movie, right?

And you shouldn't. But you also know how bad an idea it is to leave injuries untreated.

[But he'll give her independence if she wants it. He'll start walking beside her, letting her utilize the chair on her own. When she sets herself in motion, he'll slow down to match her pace.]

That's the plan! Unless you'd rather have one of our usual dates, I mean. I don't know exactly what kind of kinky stuff you're into.

Go ahead and let yourself in. Should be unlocked.

[Not that shades needed that, but it seemed friendlier that way.]

[Her expression tightens a bit at that. It's not really an injury.

And she doesn't know how long she'll have legs at all.]

Dinner and a movie might be a better speed. [She snorts and starts rolling the wheelchair. She'll try it. She doesn't think it'll last, but she'll try.] I get the feeling there won't be much kinky happening any time soon.

[It's a good thing that she's got permission, because Rin doesn't actually see this message. She's already on her way.

About 30 minutes after Rin's last message, Rin's face appears through the outer wall of the office. She looks around for a moment with glowing eyes, before letting herself all the way in.]

Um. Hold on a minute. I couldnt bring it through the wall with me.

[She quickly makes her way to the door, taking a moment to actually physically open the doorknob - awkwardly bending over and grasping it between her stump and her neck and turning it by twisting her upper body. It gets the door open, but it probably says something about her that she didn't use telekinesis to accomplish the task.

She's outside for another 30 seconds and then she's back, with a smallish package held up between her nubs. The wrapping paper has little kittens with birthday hats on them. Ryslig doesn't have christmas, so seasonal wrapping paper wasn't exactly feasible to get. Sorry.]

Okay, got it.

[She kicks the door closed behind her. It takes two tries, her foot goes through the first time.]

Where do you want it?

[Natasha doesn't entirely hide a wince as she stands. It's easy to forget about her legs when she's sitting—they become a sort of background discomfort until she moves them or puts her weight on them. Then it's a sudden, very clear reminder that they're not made to move the way they used to anymore, but there's still not really any other way to move them.

Most of the time she covers it up and uses them anyway, faking it with the help of painkillers and alcohol. Not usually in conjunction.

Sometimes she can't, though.

The expression is gone almost immediately, though.]

I'll take it. Here...

[She tries not to limp as she moves to join Rin. It's a marginally successful attempt.]

You know, you didn't have to do this. I didn't get you anything.

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