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I still don't really get what went on. People said something about sharing memories? I don't remember any of that happening.

[That explains a lot, actually. Natasha bows her head a little. She has a clear memory of everything that happened in her head. She knows not everyone else does, but her working assumption is still that people do until proven otherwise.]

You might be better off for that.

I'd rather know.

[ Being unaware of something like that happening doesn't sit well with him. There's too much at home that's unknown or up in the air. That doesn't need to continue here. ]

You really don't remember anything about it?

[It's not that she doesn't sympathize with the impulse, but sometimes not knowin really is easier, isn't it?]

I could tell you what I saw, if you want.

I remember during the day, then falling asleep, but nothing until waking up.

[ It was weird not even dreaming. Maybe that's why.. So he nods resolutely. ]

Tell me?

[She frowns, shaking her head. She's not entirely sure how to start with this one. It would be a lot to drop all she'd seen on him at once.

So she says, and she says:]

Well, for a start... I saw how you lost that.

[A glance at his eye.]

[ Well, that's... fucked up. Carl's expression matches hers as his attention flicks away from her briefly. There's really not a lot of good memories in his head anymore, so it probably got worse from there. ]

Could have been worse.

[ And it almost had.. If the bullet had gone a few centimeters inward, he'd have died. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck, though. ]

It could always be worse. [She says it gently, not as a correction. It could always be worse; it's not much of a reassurance.] But I think you already knew that.

Edited 2017-07-27 17:18 (UTC)

Means you saw worse than that, right?

[ Because of course she did. ]

I saw more than that. Worse is subjective. [But she saw things she would consider worse, and things she imagines he would consider work.] I saw you kill someone, when he was surrendering.

And I saw... I don't know. A lot of things I don't have context for.

[ ...Ah. He knows what she's talking about, and he's had time to regret the decision. Carl had thought he was doing what he needed to in order to protect their group. The kid was putting down his weapon. In that moment, they were all like the Governor, but then things changed. ]

I think about that a lot. [ Especially now that there's time to consider things. He was wrong. ]

[She can see he regrets that. At this point, that's about all he can do. That and learn from the mistake.

Natasha's not going to lecture him about that.]

I imagine you do. [There's a pause, considering him and their relationship.] And I won't make you talk to me about it, if you don't want to. I saw enough, I'm not going to be the one to tell you what you should have done differently. But if you ever do want to talk about it...

[ He's never really talked about everything that's happened with anyone. There have always been more pressing issues or they're things he's never wanted to talk about. Maybe it's a little different with Natasha because she doesn't live in their world? She's not biased, at least.

After a minute, he nods. ] Might take you up on that sometime.

Up to you.

[She won't push it. Natasha has put the offer on the table; it's up to him now what he wants to do with it.

Besides, there's another detail to share.]

There was also a man with a bat. He showed up a couple of times.

..Negan. He's the scum of the earth.

[ He's so hard to describe for Carl because pure loathing doesn't really fit, and neither does interested and confused. Sure, he hates the guy, but Carl doesn't understand half the decisions that he makes. Nor does he really get why Negan seems to have taken a shine to him. ]

He killed our people. Enjoys fucking with our group and taking our shit.

I saw that—that he fucked with you, and he enjoyed it. Making you wonder who he'd kill next.

He killed Glenn and Abraham. Spencer and Olivia later.

[ Though he has his own guilt about Olivia getting killed. Spencer kind of brought it on himself.. ]

I didn't catch all of the names, but I got the feeling he killed some of your friends.

Seems... complicated. Grim.

There are more of them than there are of us. We took over an outpost. Killed his men. We thought that was all of them.

[ He shakes his head. ]

There's an entire compound. At least a hundred people.

Not a good person to have an enemy.

Not really, no.. but nobody's doing anything about it. With someone like him, we have to fight. He'll take everything until there's nothing left.

When you say nobody, you mean other groups, or you mean your friends?

Both. We know of another group called Hilltop. They were the ones that suggested the outpost. Didn't do anything but piss him off.

[Natasha's not in a position to judge the politics of a bunch of post-apocalyptic survivors maneuvering in a world full of zombies, but it's hard to keep herself from rolling them over in her mind.]

No, with his resources, I don't imagine it would.

[There's not much she can do to help here anyway.]

I didn't see anything in your head that changes my opinion of you. For what it's worth.

Maybe you didn't see the right stuff.

[ Because the stuff he's done? If anyone really saw it, they'd know he was a monster.

Part of him wants to be hopeful. For it to be true. Carl gets the impression that it takes a lot for someone like Natasha to doubt or dislike someone else. At the same time, he knows what he is. ]

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